Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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