We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
