i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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