This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize