I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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