wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
