i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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