If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
