That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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