They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
