I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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