she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
