end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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