remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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