woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
