the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
