I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
