Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm getting married
To pizza
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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