Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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