Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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