Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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