Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
