ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
