Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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