mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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