Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
