Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have surprise drugs for everyone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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