Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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