never play flip cup with pint glasses
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
