just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
