Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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