Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
