Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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