i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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