if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
