Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
