ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
