Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize