dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
