Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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