it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize