Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
