We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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