I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
