He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
