I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize