At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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