the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im part way to drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
