I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
