I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize