Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
