Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
