I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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