I wish my penis had an off switch
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
