ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
