I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize