Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
