I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
