I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
