omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
