Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize