Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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