I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
