Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
