just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
