everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize