He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
