You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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