I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
