Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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