omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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