Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
