i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so much tequila, so little girl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
