Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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