If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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