don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
