she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
