i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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