I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake š
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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