i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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