I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
