yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
