Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
