I think im going to throw up on grandma
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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