I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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