we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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