I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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