how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
