Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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