Too much gin, very little bucket
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
