mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
