if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Welp...herpes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize