??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think i have two assholes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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