I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
