not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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