Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
