She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
