I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
