They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had to cum in my sink.
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