So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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