this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
