Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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