I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
