I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
