Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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