I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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