Where is the hickey?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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