she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
